The First Sign of Spring

I hide, silent and still,
closed within myself
the years of my life covering me,
layer upon layer,
oppressing, confining, controlling;
pushing me downward,
holding me back.
The pain and sorrow
are the sticks and stones
in the soil of my life;
blocking my path, deciding my direction, slowing my growth.
Fear encircles me, engulfs me,
paralyzes me
like a bitter cold in the winter of my life.
I lie dormant in the earth,
helplessly watching the death within;
burrowing deeper,
lost, forgotten,
hoping against sorrow,
waiting for something,
expecting nothing.


But into the familiarity of the darkness
there comes one day something new,
startling, inviting,
like the warmth of spring
pierces the deadness of winter,
touching that forgotten part of me
buried so deep within my pain;
stirring my very soul,
awakening the inner self,
the uniqueness within
that is nearly extinguished
by the oppression of the years.


I feel it calling me, drawing me out,
urging me to trust, promising me strength.
I reach upward,
slowly, timidly, awkwardly,
frightened,
unsure of myself,
of others;
afraid to leave the comfortableness of the pain; unable to resist the
hope emerging within.
The work is exhausting,
painful, lonely,
yet exhilarating.
Each step forward gives me
the courage to take the next.
I grow, inch by hard-won inch,
upward,
leaving the emptiness and pain behind
as the darkness within is illumined
by the brightness of the promise.


I remember a time long ago,
before the pain;
a time of innocence, of dreams.
And as I slowly emerge
from the seclusion of the fear,
as hope replaces surrender,
as warmth erases coldness,
as light pierces darkness.
Although I don't know the outcome,
I must trust in the process,
and I can begin to see
the return of those dreams,
and I can once again recognize
the long forgotten beauty
that is me!